Monday, May 26, 2008

Our Turquoise Anniversary

For a human being to love another:
that is perhaps the most difficult task of all...
The work for which all other work is but preparation.

- Rainer Maria Rilke -

Some chapter titles from 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons To Make Love Last by Linda and Charlie Bloom

1. Great relationships don't just happen; they are created.
2. Vulnerability is disarming.
3. If your job gets your best energy, your marriage will wither.
4. One of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is your own happiness.
9. Commitment isn't a prison; it's a means to greater freedom.
10. It isn't conflict that destroys marriages; it's the cold, smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding.
14. Your primary relationship is with your partner, not your children.
18. Secrets are lies.
21. If you can't be happy without your partner, you won't be happy together.
28. The real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about.
29. Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that show our caring.
30. Expectations set us up for resentment.
31. Arguments can't be avoided, but destructive ones can.
32. One of the greatest gifts we can give our partner is our focused attention.
42. Give what you want to receive.
43. Don't neglect your friends just because you've acquired a spouse.
45. Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.
50. If your partner is being defensive, you may be giving them reason to be.
55. Marriage does require sacrifice, but what you stand to gain is infinitely greater than what you give up.
61. Creating a great marriage generally takes more time and effort than it seems it should.
71. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.
72. Facing your fears builds strength; avoiding them diminishes it.
74. Don't say anything about your partner that you're not willing to say to them.
77. If your partner thinks something is important, it is!
81. There's a difference between sex and intimacy.
90. Constructive criticism generally isn't.
95. There's more to be gained by understanding your partner's world than trying to get them to understand yours.
97. Just keep talking.
98. Assumptions are fine, as long as you check them out before acting on them.
100. Intention may not be the only thing, but it's the most important thing.
101. The amount of joy and fulfillment available in a loving partnership is considerably more than you can imagine.


Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is also a great read!!! The authour can tell (with a 90+% rate) within a few minutes if a marriage will last or not based on how partners communicate with each other. There is a lot to learn from what he has to say. I really loved the chapter on in-laws. Married couples must emphasise the 'we' as husband and wife - not to include in-laws. Difficult to do, but makes the world of difference for many.

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